What are you telling yourself?
Do you keep telling yourself the same story?
This happened in the past.
This always happens.
This same thing will just happen again.
Listen to the language you use to talk to yourself. You keep creating a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Think about that language you use. Are you using it to block your forward motion? Watch your language, pay attention, and you will begin to see how often you are playing the same record.
By recognizing what you are saying and understanding that you have a pattern of saying the same thing over and again…you can identify it. When you identify with it, you can interrupt the old pattern.
How many times would you listen to a song you don’t like? A movie you don’t like watching? You do that each and every single day in your subconscious when you aren’t aware of your thoughts and language.
We can break into this habit specifically when we coach together, and once you start to recognize the pattern, you can interrupt it. Coaches have a way of listening beyond what you are saying to help you identify things you haven’t noticed because you have said things a certain way for so long. It’s difficult for you to see the picture, when you are in the frame.
Write a Better Story Using New Language
As you identify you begin to make the shift towards a better story, a better language, and a better life.
Do you even realize what you are saying to yourself each day?
Are you listening to yourself? It might not all be negative, but my guess is that if you were to analyze your language, it would be something like, “Why would people want to listen to me?” or “Who am I?” and even, “There are tons of other people doing what I want to be doing.”
You might also say, “I want to know what to do,” or “I just want to know what the whole pictures looks like.” Sometimes you might even say, “Before I start I just want to do more research, i want to get it perfect from the start, if I’m going to do this, I want to get it right.”
I want, I want, I want…
What if you began choosing in your life?
A fun exercise is to see the power of language, say out loud: “I want to pursue my purpose.”
Now say, out loud: “I choose to pursue my purpose.”
Notice a difference? Next time you are needing to work on something that might be a bit challenging, craft vocabulary around the task that helps you align your goals and/or roles in a fun way.
A simple activity can change your outlook on life, and move you in a completely different direction. Whether you do the activity once a day or once a week, just doing it will give you a greater perspective on how how talk to yourself and about yourself. Don’t overplay the record in your mind, instead keep moving forward to a new sound.
List out all of the things you think about yourself with no judgement. What are some common themes you say to yourself? Take a piece of paper and complete the statement, “I am_____________.” Write with a pencil or pen on paper (don’t type) for 2-3 minutes. Writing allows for a great sense of agency in what you say – it will stick with you for a much longer time than simply typing it. Henriette Klauser in her book Write it Down, Make it Happen, suggests that writing stimulates a bunch of cells at the base of the brain called the reticular activating system (RAS). The RAS serves as a filter for everything your brain processes, giving more importance to the stuff that you’re actively focusing on — something that the physical act of writing brings to the forefront.
The first things that come out are the things “off the top of your head” or the conscious mind, and as you hit a “dead end,” you approached a deeper understanding of the unconscious mind – so keep going.
Don’t filter anything that comes up, just do a “brain dump” of your thoughts. You may be surprised at what comes up after you have been writing for a few minutes.
Your unconscious mind is ~60,000 times more powerful than the conscious mind. When you start to list out all of the items that you really hear, you start to see all of the drivel you say to yourself.
Don’t be sad and don’t judge yourself on what you wrote, be glad. There are many people that go their entire lives that don’t dig in to fully realize what you are hearing and understanding right now.
Decide to change
If you don’t like some of the things that come up, make a conscious decision at the end of the day to focus on the opposites For example, if you say “I am overwhelmed,” you can say “I am calm.” Over time, you begin to update the thoughts you have and you become calm.
Many different discussions can be found online, in books, or in seminars that relate to what you say to yourself and how it affects you. The book, Success Principles by Jack Canfield, suggests reviewing your goals right before going to bed and right as you wake up.
Dr. Wayne Dyer at a “Celebrate Your Life” conference spoke about stating your “I Am” statements right before going to bed. (Examples of “I Am” statements can be “I am healthy and fit,” “I am grateful for today,” “I am happy.” etc…)
What you say to yourself gets downloaded into your subconscious. Whether you decide on goal setting or your “I am…” statements, the important thing to remember is to put something positive into your brain before going to bed. That way your mind can go to work without you having to do anything! The first 15 minutes of the day is also important to help set the framework.
Consider how much your brain does that you don’t even think about: it helps you breathe, it helps pump your blood, it even helps to type this sentence. Somehow as I think about the next sentence I am about to type, the brain is sophisticated enough to allow me to choose the right keys on the keyboard to make sure the proper words get spelled out. The same thing happens to you.
It’s truly amazing when you take a step back and think about it!
If your brain is doing things as complex as keeping you alive, and helping you do your daily tasks, what is it doing without us knowing? What you say to yourself affects you.
There is an incredible movie, called People versus State of Illusion by Austin Vickers, that references how you affect your daily lives with our thoughts. Think about the effects of your vocabulary, you have the goals you state, the “I am…” statements that define who you are that are shaping your lives.
I invite you to shift from judging yourself to fulfilling your purpose with inner peace. Call me for a 25-minute complementary chat.
I encourage you to enjoy life daily.